Jestorball Hits The College Ranks

[Tim Moungey]

Never thought I would be back in the South again. I swore, after a miserable two years in a town and state I shall not name, that under no circumstances would I ever again live in that region of the United States. But there I was, freshly minted with a graduate degree in the fine arts, and searching for a sports related job.

I intended, with my slim background in marketing and the preponderance of degrees attesting to English mastery, to find some enjoyable work that I could pleasantly do from 9-5, then go home and write or do whatever else I felt like.

So many intentions and yet only the sports came to pass.

How I found myself standing on a court in a rural town in Tennessee is a story too complicated and too long to tell, so I will cheat and simply say that due to a convoluted set of circumstances and happenstances, I was named the head coach of the University of Tennessee-Martin Skyhawks men's basketball team.

In a town of just over 10,000. A true college town, where 7,000+ undergraduates made up not only a plurality, but an outright majority when school was in session.

In short, this was likely to have a very, very bad effect on my psyche. I love the urban, the great pulse of life evident in solid sidewalks, the danger-free ecstasy of simulacra in the shape of swimming pools, indoor gardens, contained displays and exhibits, and so on.

I only prayed as I walked the prettier than expected campus that no venomous snake or spider crossed my path. Rural life was, in my overly educated estimation, indeed for birds and dogs.

And yet, here I was. But not for long, I hoped. A year, two at most, and then I would move on again.

[Myles Nelson]

No way! Jestor taking over in college?

[Tim Moungey]

A few scattered notes, haphazardly flung out:

UT-Martin is best known for its agriculture and education related programs, although Wikipedia claims recent efforts have been made to advance business and music. A visit to the university's website after I took the job seemed to indicate that chemistry is also a pretty darn good major there.

But what the university is most famous for? Having Pat Summitt, the godmother of women's college basketball as an alumna. Rather fitting, when you think about it. Some horror novelist also graduated from there, but the less I say about my opinion of the horror genre, and the Southern gothic in particular, the better. It would not do to have my readers hate me and peg me as a pretentious prick so early in the going (no matter how valid the slotting might be).

The school also belongs to that class of universities who are respected regionally, but do not carry much in the way of national cachet. Rather like my own undergraduate institution, which, like UT-Martin, is a lesser known branch of a state university system. I would rather smugly point out that my alma mater, though lower athletically, would likely grade out higher than the C academic rating accorded to the National Academic Wolverine System (NAWS).

In addition to NAWS giving UT-Martin a yawning C, the school's facilities have received a C grade from NAWS' Facilities arm. So basically, what your intrepid rookie coach has is a very average scenario in terms of academic expectations and facilities to work with.

Not average - the basketball expectations. Don't finish last in the Ohio Valley Conference (OVC) and win more than 10 games. Easy enough to do, I should think.

Oh hell, let's just post some numbers.

UT-Martin Prestige: 12
OVC Prestige: 26
UT-Martin Historical W/L % as compiled by the historian Valadrix: 199-343 (36.7%)
One NIT appearance (2009, I believe, in the Lester Hudson era)
Minimum SAT score for recruits: 880
My salary: $80,000 a year for 3 years
My reputation: Poor (10)
My job security: 10 (Max)
UT-Martin Budget: $145,000
Assistant Salaries: $63,000 (All three)

I'd love to put my own staff together, but let's be realistic. In these economic times, that's not going to go over well. Besides, I'm a rookie head coach who was literally hired off the street (Oops didn't mean to let that one slip), so might as well work with what's already there.

Now for the actual basketball part of it, a theory I've developed over many years.

Jestorball Philosophy
-Winning the turnover battle is sacrosanct and the guiding principle
-Values size first
-Big men must be high percentage shooters
-Actual defense is not as important as defensive playmaking ability, i.e. steals and blocks
-Drive stop % is the most valuable metric for perimeter defense, PA/SF the most valuable for post defense.

That's the streamlined version of it and all you need to know for now.

Of course, the roster we have isn't built for that, but more on that later.

$82,000 is our recruiting budget for this first year and we have five scholarships to hand out. Although it'll eat up well over a third of our budget, I'm going to buy the Southeast gold report. Information is far too valuable in the recruiting game, and I'll have a geographic area to focus on.

Another $2,000 books everyone's trip to Memphis to check out the top Southern players.

$50,000 with which to recruit five players. Man, oh man.

Only one player in the Southeast, a completely lightly regarded high school senior from Memphis, has even an iota of interest in coming here.

Funniest moment of looking through the Gold Scouting report. A kid named Mike Boston with a 2.2 GPA has elite academic schools all on his wish list. I laugh so hard I decide to include him in our list.

Recruiting Results As Of First Week of Practice
SF Andrew Joyce - Went to Mississippi instead
C Mike Boston - Accepted!

He set his sights far more realistically after a while, and we beat out Kent State to get him. 6'9, 252 lbs with a native position of center, but I see him as a PF. My staff, who I haven't given proper assignments to yet, raved about his passing, rebounding, and shotblocking ability. No athleticism to speak of, but they consider him an A rated prospect.

Upon giving his verbal, the good Mr. Boston checks in at #659 nationally, #111 by position. Although not an eye-popping ranking, for a school and a team like this one, it counts as pretty good.

The one problem is, and it's going to be an issue with all the guys we're heavily targeting: Can they meet the minimum SAT score to be accepted into UT-Martin?

I'm playing with fire, and I'm not a girl, nor do I go kicking hornets' nests or have a dragon tattoo.

[Tim Moungey]

No way! Jestor taking over in college?

Stranger things have happened.

[Tim Moungey]

I'm a rookie coach and not a very good teacher so of course we're just going to dispense with teaching offensive sets and let them do as they will. However, we're going to spend a lot of time in practice teaching the 1-2-1-1 full court diamond press.

No surprise, we're picked to finish dead last in the OVC. The talent on this team is non-existent, so I can't wait to get some of my recruits in here.

A second recruit gives his verbal. PG Nate Crockrom is just the type of big, 6'5, 212 floor general I like in the Jestorball system. #937 nationally, #191 by position, his stock has been soaring in recent weeks. Excellent passing potential with good handling and stealing potential. Won't be able to play man to man at all but that's fine. A 2.1 GPA, so we're again playing with fire.

I take a lot at the scholarships I've offered again and realized one guy is totally not worth it by the scouting, and he's fallen from a borderline Top 100 recruit to the mid-500s. Unfortunately, he's one of the few with a safe GPA (2.8) so I have to keep him on.

There's another recruit who just has no interest in us, so I release him, even though he looks like a fantastic point guard.

That poorly scouted player with the 2.8 GPA I told you about signs a week later. SF Nathan Neal is triply alliterative because he also hails from Newberry, SC. As I said, he started off a borderline Top 100 player by WSSN rankings, but as of his verbal, he's #540 nationally, #139 by position.

Whoops time to start the season.

Starting Lineup
PG Jon Anderson (FR)
My coaching staff wanted freshman Brandon Sherrell starting. Sherrell has the best passing on the team, but Anderson has the most intelligence of any of our poor crop of point guards and has the second highest handling, so he gets the nod. I also don't like running a 5'10 point.

SG Ben Owens (SR)
Everyone agrees on this one. One of our better ball thieves and one of the few players with 50s/50s discipline and IQ, which just goes to show how dumb and undisciplined we are as a team. Short at 6'2, 188, but he's only here another year.

SF Reed Davis (SR)
This almost went to junior Larry Claxton, but whenI called him out for starting stuff and he got snippy with me. So I instead went with the senior my coaches liked, but if he slips, Claxton's going to take his place.

PF Correy Sears (So)
I hate having a 6'6, 190 lb power forward, but the fact of the matter is, Sears is our best player. He'll also probably end up being our leading scorer, scary as that thought is. Ideally I'd like to switch him over to SF next year, once Boston comes in. Come to think of it, my verbal recruits so far are PG, SF, and C. Sure, talent first and all that, but we really need more size.

C Tre Pederson (Sr)
Again matching my coaching staff as I did with everyone except Anderson, it turns out. 6'11, 263 pounds makes him a legitimate big man. He and fellow senior Jason Robinson are the only players on the roster 6'9 or taller. Makes the Boston pickup all the more critical.

And before I know it...

Game #1 - vs Denver (1-0)
Want to know how evenly matched this game is? 12 lead changes and 6 ties in the first half alone. We're up by a thread, 38-37 at the break, because [b]Correy Sears has 12 points and played most of the first period. In fact, we didn't score a single point once he left the court, enabling the Pioneers to go on a run to cut our lead to one.

We've generated 0 turnovers off our full court diamond press and the Pioneers are also shooting 51.9%. Not good numbers, but I'm too stubborn to change it. Great first half by Sears - 4/6 from the floor, 4/4 from the charity stripe. Larry Claxton was 3/5 with a big 3 pointer off the bench and has 7 points. Really, really impressed with what he's doing so far.

A substantial lead in the second half and what do we do? Piss it away with poor shooting and a costly Jon Anderson turnover. Worst possible moment and we bleeping lose the game after missing a shot with 9 seconds left.

Denver 69 Tennessee-Martin 67

Don't want to dissect or talk about it. No excuse for losing. None.

[Myles Nelson]

Jestorball Philosophy
-Winning the turnover battle is sacrosanct and the guiding principle
-Values size first
-Big men must be high percentage shooters
-Actual defense is not as important as defensive playmaking ability, i.e. steals and blocks
-Drive stop % is the most valuable metric for perimeter defense, PA/SF the most valuable for post defense.

That's pretty much the philosophy I hold as well, but I don't value size as highly, and actual defense is far more important to me than steals and blocks. Other than that, the rest is true for me.

[PointGuard]

OK, smart ass...you made me go and look up the word "simulacra".

Welcome to college ball, Jestor.

[Tim Moungey]

th1th0nly: Of course. You're a disciple of Jestorball, after all.

PointGuard: Thank you, sir! And always glad to spur knowledge acquisition.

[Tim Moungey]

Still not talking about the loss. What few fans attended were extremely disappointed by our defeat. As well they should be. A few days later, our first road game, out to New England.

(0-1) @ Quinnipiac (0-1)

So we lead by 10 points early in the first half and what happens? Yep, that's right. Our defense goes to garbage and we get cold. Down 36-32 at halftime. A sloppy 7 turnovers doesn't help.

We won't even talk about the second half as we fall 76-59.

[Tim Moungey]

Bright Side News: Mike Boston, Nate Crockrom, and Nathan Neal all sign LOIs.

(0-2) @ Alabama State (0-1)

Still looking for our first win.

This one's over early. 20-4 and 86-55 final.

I tell my coaches to take over for the rest of the season. Wake me up when the new year is here.

We're 0-6 before our first win, 80-78 over Lehigh. We get to 3-7 before Larry Claxton badly sprains his wrist. I tell him to suck it up.

Great Christmas news. Brandon Sherrell is academically ineligible for the rest of the year. Still, a 5-11 (2-3) mark in mid-January isn't bad. Maybe we'll win 10 games and avoid the cellar yet.

Things are fantastic on February 1st. We're 8-12 (5-5) and all three of our signed recruits meet the minimum 880 on their SAT, although Mike Boston just barely makes it with a 900.

We promptly lose 6 straight in February and of course, that's -just- enough to put us in last play in the conference by a single ****ing game.

Rogers Smith, one of our targets, did not get a good enough score on his SAT, recording an 830.

Connecticut beats Syracuse for the national title.

As you might expect, no awards for us and I get an admonishing email from the AD about how I failed our goals.

A fourth recruit commits. PG Chris Banks from Ocala, FL is in the 1000s nationally, but he has excellent passing potential and good stealing potential. I figure he and Crockrom can fight it out for the starting PG spot next year.

All the openings are at the assistant level. I don't apply to any of them.

One more year left with my default assistants. I'll save money by not firing them.

There's nothing left in the recruiting ranks worth getting in my opinion, so we'll save scholarship #5 for a transfer.

Season 2 preview up next.