Introduction: Cutting edge physicists now support ideas that once dwelt only in the realm of science fiction. One of these ideas is that of alternate universes. Many physicists now posit the notion of alternate universes, numbering … well, perhaps numberless. Some of these would be completely alien to anything we could even imagine. Some would be quite similar to our own, differing only in a few ways.
This Dynasty occurs in one of those alternate universes. Rather than laying it all out for the reader I will let it emerge through the voice of Coach Frank Bailey of the University of South Carolina Upstate.
Upstate- Up and Up
Upstate- Up and Up
by Wayne23 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:18 pm
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Meet Frank Bailey
by Wayne23 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:26 pm
Howdy, name’s Frank Bailey. I been told ta write this like the guy readin’ it was… simple minded, I guess ya’d call it, or maybe from another planet. Anyways, I’m s’posed ta go inta all kindsa DEtails about stuff anybody what got half a brain already knows. Okay, I kin do that.
I been here in Spartansburg all my life. Born, raised, schooled. I grew up ta be a pretty solid guy, physic’ly, 6’6”, 240 lbs. I was never whatcha call quick, but I was pretty hard ta move. I played Center in high school, cuz a my height, but when I got to South Carolina Upstate Coach Jeb Stuart Lee turned me inta a Power Forward, which was much better, really.
I couldn’t guard no speed demons, so when we played teams that was real quick we went 2-3 and I got the strong side. Resta the time we played man. On offense I wasn’t that much of a scorer (10.7 my Senior year though), but I could set one helluva pick, I was a good passer, and I got as many rebounds as our center (8.2 my Senior year). I got them rebounds by bodying out the other guy, not by out jumping him.
We won our conference tourney my Senior year, the first and only time EVER, and I got the defensive rebound with 15 seconds left and outletted to our Point. He sent it up to our SG who missed, but I got the offensive RB, slid it to our Center and he layed it in at the buzzer. We won by one point. Biggest thrill a my life and I made the all tourney team, which was the second biggest thrill.
Anyways, I like the game and I was real int’rested in coaching. Coach Stuart taught a “Principles of Basketball Coaching” course every fall semester. I took it Junior year and audited it Senior year. At the end of Senior year Coach said if I got inta the Masters program in P.E. he could use me as an unpaid assistant. I jumped at that.
I finished the degree so I guess I ain't as dumb as I make out ta be. Tell ya a little secret. If the other guy thinks yer a jackass he misunderestimates ya and ya kin beat him if ya use it right.
The year after, Coach Lee's assistant, there was only one paid assistant in them days, quit for a head job- I mean a head COACHING job, and Coach made me the paid assistant. Old Coach really was getting’ old. I stayed two years and then, at the end of last year he retired, recommended me for the head job- I mean the Head COACHING job, and here I am, 26 years old and a Division I Head Coach.
Tell ya the truth nobody wanted the job. After I graduated we went 11-18, 7-21, then 3-25 last year. Honest now, Coach had lost it.
I tried ta help, and ta bail him out, but I think he had Alzhim- Alshiem- I think he was senile, and he wouldn’t listen. I KNOW I coulda won at least half are games with the players we had.
So now its up ta me ta do it or die tryin’. They’s been some mighty big changes though, which I’ll tell ya about.
First, I guess I gotta tell ya how things work here. We got countries and alla that but nobody, and I mean nobody goes hungry, lives anyplace where they ain’t got at least a roof over their head, and everybody gets good medical care- we can’t work miracles but we can fix ya up pretty good most a the time; people live about 120 years and they do pretty good until the last few months. If ya tear a ACL or break a bone it’ll still take a long time ta heal.
We got politics but I don’t pay no attention ta that. Actually, I don’t pay no attention ta anythin’ ‘cept hoops!
We use money but everybody has the minimum to live okay- not great, but okay. Ya want more than that ya work for it. Most folks do.
We don’t care or much talk about where yer from, what color ya are, how ya believe the world works or anythin’ like that.
We ain’t got much crime and almost no violent crime, and there ain’t been a war in more than 100 years.
Back to hoops, except the next part is more than hoops.
They’s a new thing for getting’ people from place ta place. It started maybe three years ago or so. Every town, every college, every good size business has this thing. You go inta a room, anywhere from 1 to 100 people, 100’s the most.
Ya sit in a chair. Ya punch in where ya wanna go to- y’all gotta go ta the same place, a course. They check ta see that the place has one a these here rooms and that its not bein’ used at the time. If it ain’t bein’ used the room yore in and the room yore goin’ to gets locked; if it is ya wait, but not long.
Then ya sit real still, and in maybe 3-5 seconds a beep sounds and ya get outta the chair and yore where ya wanna go, right in the exact same kinda room but it ain’t the room ya started in, its the room at the place ya wanted ta go. Hope ya get that cuz I KNOW it works and I just confused myself.
Don’t axe me HOW it works cuz I don’t have no idea, but it does work. If ya move a little it ain’t no problem but they say try not ta, and definitely don’t sneeze or burp or fart or nothin’ like that cuz bad things could happen, but I never heard if they ever did.
So like I take my team and coaches, and players and cheerleaders, and team trainers, and whoever, my dumbass A. D. Tank Hopkins if he wants ta go which he usually don’t, up to 100 people, and it usually IS 100, and we get to the school we’re playin’, wearin’ our uniforms, and we get to the gym, do our pregame shoot around (We already done warm ups and stuff at home), play the game, do any postgame interview stuff, and get in the room and come back.
'Cept at tourneys of all kinds ya stay from start until finish or until ya get eliminated, to help publicize the tourney for the folks runnin’ it. So then ya gotta get a hotel and eat there and that.
People from Spartansburg can buy tickets to the game at the other school if they’re available, and we’ll send ‘em over, 100 at a time, from our transportation room at Upstate.
If the press wanna go, they can use their own dang room; if ya didn’t guess I ain’t no fan a the press.
For tourneys, they give a % of the tickets to the city where its held and split the rest up equal among the teams.
If your team loses in a early round ya kin sell later round tickets back if they got customers from the winnin’ teams that wants ‘em and if the home town don’t sell all their tickets the teams get a shot at them too.
Like I said I got no idea how it works but they say it uses atoms or somethin’, and its so cheap that once you buy the room, which AIN’T cheap(!) don’t nobody charges for somethin’ like this except if yore like goin’ on vacation somewhere and then it ain’t that expensive.
Before that we had robot operated trains and trolleys and still do for local travellin’. The robot checks and can tell if there’s any mechanical difficulties and stuff, or if there’s a problem with the tracks and whatever, so there’s almost zero danger.
For trips over water theres boats that run the same way but now they don’t do much business. People talked about air travel for a long time but it never happened. Now it never will unless people wanna go out in space or somethin’ like that, which some people are talkin’ about but not me, unless there’s a tourney out there, then maybe, prob’ly I’d go.
Anyways, what with this new transportation thing the NCAA scrapped all the conferences and went with somethin’ they call Promotion/Relegation (I usually screw up and write regulation but that ain’t it).
They’s 22 conferences, Conf. A to Conf. V, each one got 16 teams and there from all over hell and gone cuz transportation don’t cost hardly nuthin, so a conference can have a team in Maine and one in California or even Hawaii, its s’posed ta be that all 16 is about as good as one another, you know, balanced and all.
The best teams is in A and the worst in V. If ya finish in the top 3 or win the conference tourney ya move up (3 teams total) start a the next year, and the worst 3 move down. I think its 3, but its pretty new. Ya kin move up or down every year.
Theeret- thearet- one way or another you could maybe go all the way from V ta A in time, and a V team could win the national title but come on, that ain’t ever gonna happen- the second one I mean. Maybe a C or even a D once in a blue moon, but lower than that? Not likely!
Okay, you get the idea, let me tell the rest as I talk about the Spartans, that’s us, Upstate. Oh, we’re in V. I guess we earned it when ya look at our record the last 3 years, but I plan to move us outta V this year! Oh, ta show there faith in me they give me a 2 year contract. I fought like hell fer 3 but that ring tailed baboon Tank Bailey wouldn’t listen. Don’t think he kin. Don’t think he’d know how.
I been here in Spartansburg all my life. Born, raised, schooled. I grew up ta be a pretty solid guy, physic’ly, 6’6”, 240 lbs. I was never whatcha call quick, but I was pretty hard ta move. I played Center in high school, cuz a my height, but when I got to South Carolina Upstate Coach Jeb Stuart Lee turned me inta a Power Forward, which was much better, really.
I couldn’t guard no speed demons, so when we played teams that was real quick we went 2-3 and I got the strong side. Resta the time we played man. On offense I wasn’t that much of a scorer (10.7 my Senior year though), but I could set one helluva pick, I was a good passer, and I got as many rebounds as our center (8.2 my Senior year). I got them rebounds by bodying out the other guy, not by out jumping him.
We won our conference tourney my Senior year, the first and only time EVER, and I got the defensive rebound with 15 seconds left and outletted to our Point. He sent it up to our SG who missed, but I got the offensive RB, slid it to our Center and he layed it in at the buzzer. We won by one point. Biggest thrill a my life and I made the all tourney team, which was the second biggest thrill.
Anyways, I like the game and I was real int’rested in coaching. Coach Stuart taught a “Principles of Basketball Coaching” course every fall semester. I took it Junior year and audited it Senior year. At the end of Senior year Coach said if I got inta the Masters program in P.E. he could use me as an unpaid assistant. I jumped at that.
I finished the degree so I guess I ain't as dumb as I make out ta be. Tell ya a little secret. If the other guy thinks yer a jackass he misunderestimates ya and ya kin beat him if ya use it right.
The year after, Coach Lee's assistant, there was only one paid assistant in them days, quit for a head job- I mean a head COACHING job, and Coach made me the paid assistant. Old Coach really was getting’ old. I stayed two years and then, at the end of last year he retired, recommended me for the head job- I mean the Head COACHING job, and here I am, 26 years old and a Division I Head Coach.
Tell ya the truth nobody wanted the job. After I graduated we went 11-18, 7-21, then 3-25 last year. Honest now, Coach had lost it.
I tried ta help, and ta bail him out, but I think he had Alzhim- Alshiem- I think he was senile, and he wouldn’t listen. I KNOW I coulda won at least half are games with the players we had.
So now its up ta me ta do it or die tryin’. They’s been some mighty big changes though, which I’ll tell ya about.
First, I guess I gotta tell ya how things work here. We got countries and alla that but nobody, and I mean nobody goes hungry, lives anyplace where they ain’t got at least a roof over their head, and everybody gets good medical care- we can’t work miracles but we can fix ya up pretty good most a the time; people live about 120 years and they do pretty good until the last few months. If ya tear a ACL or break a bone it’ll still take a long time ta heal.
We got politics but I don’t pay no attention ta that. Actually, I don’t pay no attention ta anythin’ ‘cept hoops!
We use money but everybody has the minimum to live okay- not great, but okay. Ya want more than that ya work for it. Most folks do.
We don’t care or much talk about where yer from, what color ya are, how ya believe the world works or anythin’ like that.
We ain’t got much crime and almost no violent crime, and there ain’t been a war in more than 100 years.
Back to hoops, except the next part is more than hoops.
They’s a new thing for getting’ people from place ta place. It started maybe three years ago or so. Every town, every college, every good size business has this thing. You go inta a room, anywhere from 1 to 100 people, 100’s the most.
Ya sit in a chair. Ya punch in where ya wanna go to- y’all gotta go ta the same place, a course. They check ta see that the place has one a these here rooms and that its not bein’ used at the time. If it ain’t bein’ used the room yore in and the room yore goin’ to gets locked; if it is ya wait, but not long.
Then ya sit real still, and in maybe 3-5 seconds a beep sounds and ya get outta the chair and yore where ya wanna go, right in the exact same kinda room but it ain’t the room ya started in, its the room at the place ya wanted ta go. Hope ya get that cuz I KNOW it works and I just confused myself.
Don’t axe me HOW it works cuz I don’t have no idea, but it does work. If ya move a little it ain’t no problem but they say try not ta, and definitely don’t sneeze or burp or fart or nothin’ like that cuz bad things could happen, but I never heard if they ever did.
So like I take my team and coaches, and players and cheerleaders, and team trainers, and whoever, my dumbass A. D. Tank Hopkins if he wants ta go which he usually don’t, up to 100 people, and it usually IS 100, and we get to the school we’re playin’, wearin’ our uniforms, and we get to the gym, do our pregame shoot around (We already done warm ups and stuff at home), play the game, do any postgame interview stuff, and get in the room and come back.
'Cept at tourneys of all kinds ya stay from start until finish or until ya get eliminated, to help publicize the tourney for the folks runnin’ it. So then ya gotta get a hotel and eat there and that.
People from Spartansburg can buy tickets to the game at the other school if they’re available, and we’ll send ‘em over, 100 at a time, from our transportation room at Upstate.
If the press wanna go, they can use their own dang room; if ya didn’t guess I ain’t no fan a the press.
For tourneys, they give a % of the tickets to the city where its held and split the rest up equal among the teams.
If your team loses in a early round ya kin sell later round tickets back if they got customers from the winnin’ teams that wants ‘em and if the home town don’t sell all their tickets the teams get a shot at them too.
Like I said I got no idea how it works but they say it uses atoms or somethin’, and its so cheap that once you buy the room, which AIN’T cheap(!) don’t nobody charges for somethin’ like this except if yore like goin’ on vacation somewhere and then it ain’t that expensive.
Before that we had robot operated trains and trolleys and still do for local travellin’. The robot checks and can tell if there’s any mechanical difficulties and stuff, or if there’s a problem with the tracks and whatever, so there’s almost zero danger.
For trips over water theres boats that run the same way but now they don’t do much business. People talked about air travel for a long time but it never happened. Now it never will unless people wanna go out in space or somethin’ like that, which some people are talkin’ about but not me, unless there’s a tourney out there, then maybe, prob’ly I’d go.
Anyways, what with this new transportation thing the NCAA scrapped all the conferences and went with somethin’ they call Promotion/Relegation (I usually screw up and write regulation but that ain’t it).
They’s 22 conferences, Conf. A to Conf. V, each one got 16 teams and there from all over hell and gone cuz transportation don’t cost hardly nuthin, so a conference can have a team in Maine and one in California or even Hawaii, its s’posed ta be that all 16 is about as good as one another, you know, balanced and all.
The best teams is in A and the worst in V. If ya finish in the top 3 or win the conference tourney ya move up (3 teams total) start a the next year, and the worst 3 move down. I think its 3, but its pretty new. Ya kin move up or down every year.
Theeret- thearet- one way or another you could maybe go all the way from V ta A in time, and a V team could win the national title but come on, that ain’t ever gonna happen- the second one I mean. Maybe a C or even a D once in a blue moon, but lower than that? Not likely!
Okay, you get the idea, let me tell the rest as I talk about the Spartans, that’s us, Upstate. Oh, we’re in V. I guess we earned it when ya look at our record the last 3 years, but I plan to move us outta V this year! Oh, ta show there faith in me they give me a 2 year contract. I fought like hell fer 3 but that ring tailed baboon Tank Bailey wouldn’t listen. Don’t think he kin. Don’t think he’d know how.
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1st day on the job
by Wayne23 » Sat Mar 23, 2013 11:39 pm
5/1: First day on the job. I fire all the assistant cuz none of ‘em was worth a bucket a warm spit, and I save $ by doin’ that and bringin’ some other guys in.
I got Aaron Broderick. I hired him as my #3 and promoted him right up to #1, but fer #3 pay. Told him bein’ a 1 would help him get a better job somewhere, and prob’ly soon.
He’s my bench coach. Gene Butler I hired next, as a 3, moved him up to 2 with the same BS story.
He’ll recruit. Steve Perry is my fer real #3 and he’ll scout. There all good guys but they can’t coach all that good. Can’t afford to hire good coaches. I hired ‘em fer 1 year each.
The one thing I really want ta do is get asses in seats, like they say. That pays the bills and that can get me a budget increase, hopefully every year or at least other year. Never be able to hire good coaches until we get $.
I ain’t gonna get rich but I don’t care. Like I said all I care about is hoops. I got a 8 year old Chevy but its low miles so its good fer maybe 8 more years.
I live in a crappy little apartment but I sleep in the office most a the time. Get home every 2-3 days maybe, sometimes less. I got a shower here, couch, fridge and air conditionin’, which I ain’t got at the apartment.
I don’t spend money ‘cept fer food and sneakers, and other clothes. I got 3 jackets fer games and stuff, 3 white shirts, 3 ties, and 4 pairs a pants fer the same. Outside a that, just shorts and tee shirts and stuff like that.
Okay, savin’ all that $ on coaches pay left me with $77,000. I spend $30,000 for the Southeast Gold, and another $10,000 for the National Basic. So I got $37,000 for recruiting.
I got 6 scholarships ta fill. Had 5, but there was a guy who didn’t know the basketball was round so I shifted him over to a hardship scholarship, so it’s 6 to fill. I’m goin’ mostly fer Jucos cuz they’ll come here, some of ‘em anyway. The high school Seniors who come here wouldn’t be worth what the cow left in the field.
I gotta say bein' the head coach is pretty fun. They's a bazillion things ta do all the time but that's okay. I'm kinda organized so i get 'em done, sooner er later.
I got Aaron Broderick. I hired him as my #3 and promoted him right up to #1, but fer #3 pay. Told him bein’ a 1 would help him get a better job somewhere, and prob’ly soon.
He’s my bench coach. Gene Butler I hired next, as a 3, moved him up to 2 with the same BS story.
He’ll recruit. Steve Perry is my fer real #3 and he’ll scout. There all good guys but they can’t coach all that good. Can’t afford to hire good coaches. I hired ‘em fer 1 year each.
The one thing I really want ta do is get asses in seats, like they say. That pays the bills and that can get me a budget increase, hopefully every year or at least other year. Never be able to hire good coaches until we get $.
I ain’t gonna get rich but I don’t care. Like I said all I care about is hoops. I got a 8 year old Chevy but its low miles so its good fer maybe 8 more years.
I live in a crappy little apartment but I sleep in the office most a the time. Get home every 2-3 days maybe, sometimes less. I got a shower here, couch, fridge and air conditionin’, which I ain’t got at the apartment.
I don’t spend money ‘cept fer food and sneakers, and other clothes. I got 3 jackets fer games and stuff, 3 white shirts, 3 ties, and 4 pairs a pants fer the same. Outside a that, just shorts and tee shirts and stuff like that.
Okay, savin’ all that $ on coaches pay left me with $77,000. I spend $30,000 for the Southeast Gold, and another $10,000 for the National Basic. So I got $37,000 for recruiting.
I got 6 scholarships ta fill. Had 5, but there was a guy who didn’t know the basketball was round so I shifted him over to a hardship scholarship, so it’s 6 to fill. I’m goin’ mostly fer Jucos cuz they’ll come here, some of ‘em anyway. The high school Seniors who come here wouldn’t be worth what the cow left in the field.
I gotta say bein' the head coach is pretty fun. They's a bazillion things ta do all the time but that's okay. I'm kinda organized so i get 'em done, sooner er later.
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Goals, camps, Tank
by Wayne23 » Sun Mar 24, 2013 4:56 am
6/25: Fergot ta mention that nitwit Tank Hopkins set one goal fer the year, win the conference tourney. That jist shows what a idiot he is. Win the regular season maybe, although that’s too hard fer us, given where we been the last few years, but the tourney can be a crap shoot, it ain’t somethin’ ya kin plan fer or work tords or anything’ like that. Tell ya the truth a good goal woulda bin to win 12 games. Don’t know if we kin do that but at least it’s somethin’ that makes since.
Not wastin’ no money goin’ ta camps. The kindsa guys we’re goin’ after wouldn’t be goin’ ta any of ‘em.
I ask Tank ta try ta get us a balanced schedule. If ya start that way ya don’t get a year when most games are at home and then the next one yer on the road all the time. Prob’ly shouldn’ta done that. Now Tank’ll get me all road or all home games jist ta mess us up.
Okay, okay, so why do I hate Tank so much? Easy. Remember, I bin here like, well this is my 8th year here as a student and then as a assistant coach untell now.
Tank’s bin A. D. here fer like a hundred years, well, 15, 20 actually. He’s a football guy. He played offensive tackle here and all he cares about is football. Spends mosta the department’s $ on football, spends mosta his time on football. Don’t care about hoops, don’t support hoops.
Are facilities suck, When ya bring a recruit in ya keep him outta the locker room. It smells bad- worse than Tank, and it’s way too crowded. Football’s got the best, every other sport’s got the rest. So that’s what I’m fightin’, and he don’t listen. Sometimes I think he played without a helmet.
Not wastin’ no money goin’ ta camps. The kindsa guys we’re goin’ after wouldn’t be goin’ ta any of ‘em.
I ask Tank ta try ta get us a balanced schedule. If ya start that way ya don’t get a year when most games are at home and then the next one yer on the road all the time. Prob’ly shouldn’ta done that. Now Tank’ll get me all road or all home games jist ta mess us up.
Okay, okay, so why do I hate Tank so much? Easy. Remember, I bin here like, well this is my 8th year here as a student and then as a assistant coach untell now.
Tank’s bin A. D. here fer like a hundred years, well, 15, 20 actually. He’s a football guy. He played offensive tackle here and all he cares about is football. Spends mosta the department’s $ on football, spends mosta his time on football. Don’t care about hoops, don’t support hoops.
Are facilities suck, When ya bring a recruit in ya keep him outta the locker room. It smells bad- worse than Tank, and it’s way too crowded. Football’s got the best, every other sport’s got the rest. So that’s what I’m fightin’, and he don’t listen. Sometimes I think he played without a helmet.
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by CoachC » Sun Mar 24, 2013 5:17 am
Wayne23 wrote:That's in a whole other universe. They ain't gonna hear 'bout it . How about the new Big East, too. Some teams ain't zackly too "East!"
No Kidding. Good thing they sell tons and tons of season tickets in Omaha. Creightons gonna have a lot of traveling to do next year. Speaking of which, is there any news on what UConn et al plan to call their new conference next year? I'm wondering if they might try to expand as well, but not too many schools available with pretend BCS football programs. Tulsa maybe, but geographically that doesn't make sense. UAB perhaps? Conference USA looks like it's about to crumble anyway. I'm interested in how this all shakes down because the mess isn't over yet. The Valley definitely looks to add a team to replace Creighton, but since they preferably want a private school to keep their public/private balance, there's not a lot of choice. Names most commonly mentioned are Loyola and Oral Roberts, but I hate both ideas. Personally I'd love to see them try to woo St. Louis back to the fold from the A-10. I doubt it would ever happen, but the Valley certainly makes more sense geographically for the Billikens than the A-10 with the conference headquarters and tournament both in the city of St. Louis.
Whatever happens, it's gonna be a mess for someone.
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