by Wayne23 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:39 am
2/5: 21-0, 12-0 Finally #1, RPI #1.
2/19: 25-0, 16-0, #1, RPI #1. 3 up on Maryland, and 5 or more on the rest with 2 to play in the Big 10.
2/26: We end the regular season at 27-0, 18-0. #1, #1. 4 games ahead of 2nd in the Big 10. Margin of victory in conference games was in double digits save for three games.
3/8: #8 seed Michigan ST, 14-15, 8-10, in the Quarter Final round of the Big 10 tournament.
82-64. It was not that close.
#4 seed, #19 ranked Ohio ST, 22-6, 13-5 in the Semifinal round.
3/9: 80-54.
#2 seed, #4 ranked Maryland, 26-6, 14-4 for the title. We won by a mere 3 at home so this should be a challenging game.
3/10: 91-82. 59-42 at the half. They got as close as 3 in the 2nd half before we woke up. Erik Payne and Dan Head led the way.
We expect to be #1 overall again.30-0, 18-0, #1, #1.
3/12: #1 overall. We play #16 seed Bethune-Cookman, 18-14 first.
3/16: 72-47.
#8 seed Stanford, 22-9, is next. We beat them by 20 in November.
3/18: 66-56. It was close for 38 minutes. This was a genuine scare.
#4 seed, #23 ranked Utah, 25-7 in the Sweet Sixteen.
3/23: 67-54. 33-34 at the half; we shot .308. Head and Pett led us.
#2 seed, #4 ranked Maryland, 29-7, in the Elite Eight. We beat them by 3, and then by 9.
3/25: 86-71. 55-38 at the half, with 0 TOs.
Final Four, for the 2nd straight year.
#1 seed, #2 ranked, #2 RPI Kansas, 33-3, in the round of 4.
4/1: 79-59. 35-23 at the half. Jon Pett was gigantic with 24 and 16. +22 RBs. Head had 17 and 8, Payne 17, 7, 5.
#11 ranked Louisville, 29-8, for the title. We beat them by 21 in November.
The game needs to be played inside. We were able to do that last time.
This is the last game I will ever coach. I am unable to decide whether it would be a help or a hindrance to share that information with my players. I’ve decided not to share it until after the
game.
4/3: 83-78 in OT. 38-22 at the half. We blew a 23 point lead, and then came back. +11 RBs. 24, 9, 4 for Dan Head, 10, 10, 8, 3 for guard Dal benn, 12, 8 for Mike Gort, 8, 8 for Jon Pett.
Awards: Dan Head was tourney MOP. I was national and conf. COY again. Junior Mike Gort made Big 10 1st team and soph Jon Pett made 2nd.
After the game I announced to my staff, then to the team, then to the press, that I was retiring, effective upon the naming of my successor.
We finished 36-0, national champions.
Lifetime record: 425-93, .821 in 16 years as a head coach. A proud record.
I will devote the remainder of my life to helping the unfortunate, through Hunger Be Gone.
4/5: “This is Jay Byrd with ‘Late Night Sports’ at WILL 90.0 FM. As you know Coach Mervin Smythe has retired. We have four special guests with us tonight, via conference call, and we want to catch up with them and hear their reactions.
“First, here’s Andrew Hortonbloom. Andrew, any curling news?”
“I’m number one in both of my DDS: Curling leagues. Really getting it done!”
“Great. And the M. D. thing is still going well?”
“Not so much. I kind of bottomed out.”
“Your reaction to Coach Smythe?”
“I never thought Coach Smythe would be around the coaching world forever. I mean a guy like that, with millions of dollars and all that education. He was bound to butt out, move on to other things.”
“Thanks Andrew. Wayne Twothree. How are things with the Greater Boston Penny Whistle, Kazoo, Washtub Bass, Ukelele, Accordion Symphony Orchestra? Still playing second kazoo?”
“I am proud to say that I moved up to first kazoo. When new conductor Keith Rockphartte came in he and our first kazoo player just didn’t see eye to eye. Before long I got my chance. It’s great being #1!”
“And your reaction to Coach Smythe retiring?”
“I was really sad about it. I always had the secret hope that he’d come back to Harvard and lead us to a national title. Oh well.”
“Robert Coachsee. How’s the massage work going?”
“Sadly, I had to leave ‘Massage at Large.’ Working with all of those huge people just did a number on my hands?”
“Arthritis?”
“No, fatty palms. Anyway, now I’m with ‘Bony Marony- Massage Therapy for the Anorexic.’ MUCH easier on the hands. Oh, I absolutely nailed the triple double tap tap in this year’s senior Irish Step Dance world championships in Galway. You’re talking to ‘Mister Step’, the world’s champ in the Senior division.”
“Wow! Congratulations.”
“I had my shoes bronzed. Makes ‘em hard to dance in, but the pride. The PRIDE!”
“Your reaction to Coach Smythe’s announcement?”
“I was shocked! I thought he’d be in it for life. Never thought he’d quit.”
“We close with Rich Pointguard. Rich, what’s new?”
“Well, Jay, I haven’t been her for a while.”
“That’s true.”
“I am now the manager of It’s a Small World Professional Wrestling, ISWPW.”
“Tell us about that.”
“Well, I got really close to the Albanian Midget Porn stars. They were being taken advantage of, getting the short end of the stick, so to speak. I decided to approach them about getting out of the porn game and into midget wrestling.”
“How’s that going?”
“Awesome! Lucy Goosey is our women’s world champ. Her ‘butt slam’ move is her big signature move. Works every time, at least so far. But Maybelline Shorttwerk is working on a counter move where she twerks out of the butt slam. She doesn’t have all the bugs out yet.
“On the men’s side, Frank ‘Fader’ Pharthite is king of the hill. He gets his opponent in a reverse head scissors, drops ‘bombs’ right in the guy’s face, and the guy goes unconscious from the smell and the lack of oxygen. It’s a huge hit with the fans- well, until the scent drifts out over the crowd.”
“O-KAY! How’s the three legged racing going?”
“My partner, Pegleg Patrino, retired. The guy who made his special three legged racing peg legs went out of business. So at least for now the competition has a leg up on me.”
“What do you think of the news?”
“No surprise. Those rich guys never stay with anything for long. Fun while it lasted though. I’m into watching roller derby now.”
“Jay Byrd, signing off.”
(Thus ends this test association. My first real association or maybe two, will begin as soon as 1.4 drops.)