Fight Fiercely Harvard

[Wayne23]

10/1: “Dan Shagnastie here with Wayne Twothree on ‘Speaking of Sports.’ Unusual name.”

“Wayne? Well yeah, I guess so, but-”

“I meant ‘Twothree.’”

“Oh! Yes, well there’s a story.”

“There usually is. Go on.”

“My heritage is mostly native American. My great grandfather was a member of the Mi’kmaq tribe in Eastern Canada; most people call them Mikmaks. About 100 years or so ago, maybe more, he decided to come to the U.S. His name was Longdog Twotrees. The immigration guy was deaf, drunk, or not paying attention. He wrote it as Langdon Twothree. Great grandpa couldn’t read so he never knew. We just kept it.”

“Interesting. So you’re a big Crimson hoops fan?”

“Oh yes. Absolutely. I bleed red!”

“I… um… uh… Okay, let’s move on. Favorite player?”

“Rich Pointguard. That guy’s the most successful playa I’ve ever seen. Not so sure about those Albanian midgets but-”

“I meant on the Harvard basketball team.”

“Oh! Sorry! I’d have to say Milo Gojk. That guy didn’t get a lot of playing time last year but man, I thought when he got into a game things happened. I’m predicting a bright future for him!”

“So you’re into underdogs.”

“Well, more goats, really but-”

“I MEANT ON THE TEAM!”

“Sure, anybody can root for the guy with the big stats. Say, speaking of big stats, did you hear the one about the waitress at Hooters who-”

“LET’S TALK about hoops… (sighs)”

“I’m predicting this is the year we get to the Sweet Sixteen.”

“Really?”

“IF we stay healthy. So anyway this sweet sixteen year old waitress at Hooters-”

"So what kind of work do you do?”

“I’m right here at Harvard.”

“Professor?”

“No, actually, I’m the guy who puts the little soap cakes in the urinals in the mens’ rooms. Those things taste really weird, especially when-”

“I don’t want to know! Hobbies? Interests?”

“Sure. Although this first is much more than a hobby. I am proud to state that I sit in the second kazoo chair for the Greater Boston Penny Whistle, Kazoo, Washtub Bass, Ukelele, and Accordion Symphony Orchestra, conducted by Arthur Fumbler. Why tomorrow night, at the west Boylston theater, we’ll be playing selections from Wolfgang Amadeus Morphatt’s ‘Eine Kleine Phattmusik.’ You won’t want to miss it!”

“Darn! I have another commitment! What else?”

“I collect odd socks. As a matter of fact, I have a Facebook page called ‘Lonely Socks.’ People send me odd socks from all over the world. The only rule is if you have two socks that match you cannot send one in. They have to be truly odd socks. Interestingly enough I’ve matched up an enormous number of socks this way.”

“Why?”

“I beg your pardon?’”

“Why would you match up odd socks?”

“Duh! The name of the Facebook page!!! ‘Lonely Socks!!!’ Seems pretty obvious! Oh, I am also a life master Parcheesi player.”

“How DO you keep up with all of this?”

“I know, right!”

Okay, Wayne, here are your season tickets, and here’s the tee shirt. Thanks for being with us.”

“Remember people, you can find me on Facebook at ‘Lonely Socks.’ Send ‘em in.”

“We are out of time. Back tomorrow (in a very soft voice) if I sober up by then.”

10/2: First day of practice. We’re thin but we have 6-7 rather good players.

We continue to pursue a big man.

11/1: “Dan Shagnastie here on ‘Speaking of Sports.’ We have a very special guest in our ‘Fan of the Month’ spot. I’m with Abigail Rothschild Smythe, partner in AbFen Games. Abby, you and your husband Fenwick Smythe have taken the gaming world by storm with first your text based games with an academic hook which educators all over the world have embraced, and now with Fenwick Holmes, Boy Consulting Detective, released today by Wolfbane VR, a branch of Wolfbane Studios. Busy?”

(Laughs) “You could say that, yes.”

“Tell us a little about the game.”

“Well Dan, for anyone who has played Fenwick Holmes, Boy Consulting Detective, the VR version is essentially that game, with or without the academic component, player’s choice, except that you, the player, BECOME Fenwick Holmes. Oh, there’s an option to become Abby Holmes. You play the game but actually do all the things you directed in the text based version.”

“Wow! It sounds totally immersive.”

“Exactly. We think people are going to love this, and next month they’ll love Fenny and Abby to the Stars at least as much.”

“Now wait a minute, Abby. There’s no way you can actually get people into space.”

“No, but it’s going to feel exactly as if they were in space. Fenny and I are at the stage where we’re field testing and I’ll tell you, this is very real.”

“You guys are practically printing your own money.”

“Well, profits have been amazing, but Dan, we don’t keep them.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Fenny and I were born into the one percent. At birth each of us was set up with a trust account that assures that we are set for life financially. So, when we started to make money we decided that it was crazy to keep money we didn’t need.”

“So where does it go?”

“Three places: Fenny’s mom, Cissy Smythe heads up ‘Hunger Be Gone.’ That’s one. Planned Parenthood is the second. The third is something we started, but I can’t talk about it. It’s research based, and the idea is to do something really big and important for humanity.”

“A mystery!”

“That’s all I’m saying.”

"So you and your husband met when you were both 13, and married in May when you were barely 17.”

“That’s right. Fenny and I happened to attend the same alternative high school/college. We met in a computer science course during our first day on campus and we just hit it off. We started talking to each other and… well, we’ve never stopped. We share common interests, we have similar, I guess you’d call it ways of thinking. Anyway, we became instant best friends for life. The romance part didn’t start for a couple of years but adding that in made it perfect. We simply click- on every level, all of the time.”

“Wonderful.”

“It is. Every day is a joy.”

“What’s next for AbFen Games?”

“Moving our games to the VR platform, and continuing to improve all of our games. In our spare time we work on new games.”

“It sounds like a great life.”

“It is, believe me.”
“Okay. Two tickets to the Crimson home games, and I’m going to give you two tee shirts. I’m guessing your husband will want one, too.”

“Fenny will love it. We’re both alums.”

“Thanks for joining us.”

11/6: Our lineup is as follows: Junior Dan Ecks and soph Jay Sims, a transfer from St. Johns, start at guard.

Senior Dan Brit starts at SF but plays some guard. The 4th guard is junior Ed Cary.

Senior Sean Smith and junior Jess Hart start inside, and they are supported by junior Ron Holm, a transfer from Oklahoma, and junior Jule Book. There will undoubtedly be changes along the way.

[PointGuard]

*LOCKS Wayne's hooch cabinet and throws away the key*

[Wayne23]

"Eat more cake(s)!"

[Wayne23]

11/27: 3-1 through 4. Blew out Iowa, lost by 5 at UConn, beat Nevada in OT. A bit of everything!

12/1: “Dan Shagnastie on ‘Speaking of Sports.’ We’re here with Fan of the Month Gus Gustafson. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Gus.”

“Hi Dan. Thanks for pickin’ me. I been a Hahverd fan fer a lotta yeahs now.”

“Did you attend the school?”

“Me? Ha! I barely made it through high school; lucky I did.”

“What’s the connection. Did a family member attend? A friend?”

“I nevah knew nobody what went heah.”

“Then why are you such a fan?”

“Le’ me tell ya, Dan. Hahverd is class. It’s da top a da heap. It’s da best. Maybe I ain’t such a big shot, but that don’ mattah. I live in Boston alla my life an’ Hahverd’s da classies’ t’ing in da city. So I’m wit’ dem!”

“Makes sense. What kind of work do you do, Gus?”

“I drive a beah truck- Sam Adams- anudder t’ing dat’s great about Boston!”

“There ya go. You like to stick with a winner.”

“Dat’s me, Dan! My wife, Carmela, she sez she don’ get it, but I don’ know why. You got it right away, ya know.”

“Does Carmela work?”

“No wife a mine’s gonna work. She takes care a da house. Well, da apahtmint.”

“So what are your other interests?”

“Da Red Sox, da Patriots, da Bruins- all tho sumtimes I wondah about them. The Celtics.”

“Anything other than sports?”

“I’m a sports guy, Dan. When I ain’t watchin’ I’m on that intahnet lookin’ up stuff about my teams.”

“So work and sports. That’s about it.”

“Hey! Fambly! Me an’ Carmela we got t’ree boys. Gus, Jr., he’s 14, an’ plays on his 8th grade hoop team, Gordy’s 12, an’ he’s a hockey guy. Little Mickey. He’s on’y 7, an’ so far he ain’t dat inta sports, but he’ll come aroun’. Eve’y minit I kin I’m wit’ my kids.”

“Okay, Gus. Here are your two tickets, and here’s a tee shirt.”

“Means a lot, ya know? Now I kin take one a da boys wit’ me ta da games. T’anks.”

“My pleasure. Join us again tomorrow, folks.”

12/11: 6-2 after a 2 point loss at #10 Houston. A game in which neither team ever led by more than 6.

Our scoring is very balanced. Our five starters average between 9.9 and 11.6 PPG.

12/25: 10-2. RPI #14.

1/1/’24: We finish pre-conference play 10-3, RPI #18.

“‘Dan Shagnastie here on ‘Speaking of Sports.’ Our Fan of the Month is Greyson W. Oligarch. Sir, tell us a bit about yourself.”

“I am Harvard, class of 1968-”

“That’s a long time ago.”

“I am in my 84th year. As I was saying, in all that time I have missed but three home games, and but one home football game.”

“That’s remarkable.”

“Every Oligarch for the past 387 years has attended this, the world’s finest university. When John Harvard founded the school in 1636, Montgomery Swift Oligarch enrolled as a freshman. His two younger brother slater attended and graduated, as did his two sons. And so on down the line, straight to my grandson Meriwether Oligarch who is now a sophomore here. We are the sole family who can claim that every single generation has matriculated here.”

“That’s remarkable!”

“It is also unique.”

“I assume you are retired, sir?”
“I am not! I still manage Oligarch Credenzas, the finest name in its field. I go to work every morning, arriving at 9:00 and leaving at 5:00, as I have done since I took over the family business upon my graduation in 1968.”

“So young!”

“My father was not a well man. He fathered me at age 52. He was 74 when I succeeded him as President of the company.”

“Hobbies?”

“I am President of the Massachusetts Chess Society, and I am a Grand Master in the game. I am also an avid reader of 18th and 19th century French literature.”

“Mr. Oligarch, we are proud to have you with us. Please accept two season tickets. Would you like a Crimson tee shirt.”

“Indeed I would, sir! My youngest grandson Algernon is 9 years of age, and he would love it.”

“Again, our thanks.”

1/8: 12-3, 2-0, #25, RPI #13.

Two easy wins, over Brown here, and at that school in New Haven.

1/22: 16-3, 6-0. #24, RPI #17. At least thus far we are running through the Ivy the way Sherman ran through Georgia. That may change. Our chief rival, Cornell, is up next, there.

1/29: 18-3, 8-0. #22, RPI #15. Marching through Georgia! A three game lead.

2/1: “Dan Shagnastie here on ‘Speaking of Sports’ with our Fan of the Month, Lucinda Revere Quincy. Tell us about yourself Ms. Quincy.”

“Quite. I was born in 1960, and in 1977, when I was 17, Harvard began accepting women at the school itself, rather than at the “sister school” Radcliffe. I was in the first class accepted, and I was in the first class that graduated women who had been at Harvard for their entire academic career.”

“Congratulations.”

“I have always championed equality for all. I fought for the right to attend this school. Since that right was granted I have been loyal ever since.”


“And you are a basketball fan.”

“I am. I attend every home game for both the men’s and women’s teams. I love the quickness of the game.”

“May I ask about your other interests in life?”

“Well, my ancestors were passengers on the Mayflower. I have been a lifelong member of the Mayflower Society, the Daughters of the American Revolution, and the Republican party, although the latter two can be rather… annoying at times, particularly lately, say the past 35-40 years.”

“Anything else?”

“I love history in general, and am an avid reader of history, historical fiction, and biography.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. Quincy. We have two season tickets and a tee shirt for you.”

“Yes. I shall donate the tickets to the local homeless shelter. They are always seeking activities to provide for their people, especially their young people. The shirt shall go there as well.”

2/12: 22-3, 12-0. #16, RPI #15. We have clinched the Ivy title. 4 up with 2 to play.

2/19: 24-3, 14-0, #15, RPI #9. Perfect in the Ivy.

6 of our players average between 8.3 and 11.3 points. +12.2 PPG, +3.4 RBs, +7.6 TOs, +3.2 assists, +4.1 steals.

[Wayne23]

3/1: “Dan Shagnastie here with Harvard A. D. Clausen P. Gherkin. Welcome to ‘Speaking of Sports’ Dr. Gherkin.”

“Thank you, Dan. And thank you for the interest you’ve shown in Crimson basketball.”

“My pleasure, sir. Another great season.”

“Perhaps our finest yet. The lads have done a smashing job all season.”

“Is this the year we make it to the Sweet Sixteen?”

“That would be marvy, but it is not an easy task. We are but a small school in a small conference. Our resources are quite limited. It would be an unparalleled triumph to reach that level.”

“Your feelings on head coach Mervin Smythe.”

“He has brought us to heights we have never before scaled. All credit to him. He is, of course a Harvard graduate, as well.”

“How important is that?”

“Quite important, quite important indeed! We are a rather exclusive club, don’t you know. We are proud of the long tradition of this unique institution, and it is imperative that we place one of our own in a position such as this one. And then when he is successful, well, it brings that proud tradition forward just that little bit further, does it not?”

“It does indeed! Er, yes, it does. Thanks for joining us, Harvard Athletic Director Clausen P. Gherkin.”

Quarter Finals:

1 Harvard 70–57 Brown 8. Team effort, and the game wasn’t that close.

2 Penn 58–72 Yale 7. Upset! Again this year the #7 seed defeats #2. PF Rob Paige was the key.

3 Cornell 88–79 Columbia 6. It was not all that close.

4 Dartmouth 74–70 Princeton 5. It tightened in the final few moments but Dartmouth led all the way.

3/2: Semifinals:

1 Harvard 49–46 Dartmouth 4. A very strange game. At the half it was 18-12, and not a single player on either side had more than 4 points.

3 Cornell 68–56 Yale 7. 26-5 early on.

3/3: Finals:

1 Harvard 59–61 Cornell 3. We blew a seemingly safe 9 point lead late.

3/12: 24-3, 14-0, #19, RPI #8.

#6 South again. We play #11 Wichita ST, 22-9.

3/17: 77-61. 47-21 at the half. 35-7 at one point.

3/19: “Dan Shagnastie here with a special edition of ‘Speaking of Sports.’ I’m pregame in Fayetteville, North Carolina for the second round matchup between the #6 seed, #19 ranked Crimson of Harvard, 27-4, and the #3 seed, #12 ranked Temple Owls, 25-8. I’m joined by three stalwart Crimson fans, Rich Pointguard, Robert Coachsee, and Andrew Hortonbloom. Rich, what do you think?”

“I think Fayetteville is pretty boring. The Trampoline’s ‘R’ Us franchise here doesn’t have any decent-”

“About the game.”

“Oh. Well, Temple’s tough. We gotta stop their Point Guard, Casey McCall. He’s a killer.”

“Prediction?”

“Nope. I don’t want to be disloyal.”

“Doesn’t sound good. Robert Coachsee. How do you see it?”

“Well, I don’t want to rub it in- a little massage therapy humor there-”

“Very little.”

“Anyway, we gotta stay out of foul trouble to have any chance. Temple is better and deeper. It’s going to take a big effort for Harvard to keep dancing. A little-”

“Irish Step Dance humor. I get it. Andrew?”

“Our only chance is to turn it into a real war, but I’m afraid it could be a royal pain-”

“In the butt. Yeah. You guys were a big help (coughs). Back with the game after this. Wayne Twothree will be with us for the post-game analysis.”

3/19: 51-54. We had the last shot. It missed.

“Dan Shagnastie here with Wayne Twothree. Tough way to end the game.”

“We played out butts off, Dan.”

“Their PG, Kasey McCall was named Player of the Game. We knew he was their best.”

“You know something, Dan. We did okay on him. Held him below his average on both points and assists and turned him over 6 times. That’s pretty good, as far as I’m concerned.”

“We thought that was the key. So if we held him, as you say, why didn’t we win?”

“Bench play. Their bench had 19, 11, 3, and ours only 14, 9, 3. In a close game that was the difference. That, and they made a few more threes than we did.”

“Final thoughts?”

“Well, we didn’t get to the Sweet Sixteen, again, but I thought we gave it all we had. No shame in losing to a more talented team.”

“Thanks Wayne. We say goodbye to senior guard Dan Brit, and Center Sean Smith, two pretty important cogs in the machine.”

4/4: #6 Houston defeated #12 Temple for the title. We were eliminated by a rather good team!

Awards: Senior Sean Smith is Ivy Defensive POY, and 1st team along with junior PF/C Jess Hart. Senior Dan Brit made 2nd team. I received the coaching award.

4/9: “My dear, Colorado wants me. I am tempted.”

“Really, Mervy? I am somewhat surprised.”

“Well, darling, we have done well here, but we do not seem to be progressing.”

“Yes… Mervy, I’ve been meaning to say this for the past several months by I do not quite know how to approach the subject.”

“Just go ahead, Cissy dear.”

“Well… You are soon to be 45 years old.”

“That is true.”

“I was wondering…”

“Please go on.”

“Mervy, I have been patient, but isn’t it time to grow up?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I mean a game! Your life revolves around a game.”

“My dear, I-”

“Mervy, you are capable of so much more. You are capable of devoting your considerable energies and talents to something so much more meaningful, so much more worthwhile.”

I had no reply. Cissy went on to state that if I were to go to Boulder, Colorado I should go alone. She would not divorce me, but she would not live in such “a cultural wasteland.”

I shall remain here at Harvard. And… I shall reassess my … well, I suppose my life’s goals.

4/16: PF/C Kayn Olu, #461, from Nigeria, signed.

4/23: We ask for another budget increase. If no one transfers out we will have 5 scholarships to fill. Approved! $10,000. This will be of enormous assistance to us. I am
thrilled!

I am at 231-59, .797. And yes, this upcoming season shall be my last. Cissy is correct. It is time to devote my life to more mature pursuits. This news is not for public consumption.

[PointGuard]

Dr. Q. Cumber is green with envy that you interviewed Clausen Gherkin. That guy is such a sourpuss. Whereas the esteemed Dr. Q. Cumber has a much fresher outlook. And even though his comments are sometimes can be a bit raw, his sense of humor ap-peels to me.

[Wayne23]

I was just sick into an olive jar.

[Wayne23]

5/1: Dan Shagnastie here. We skipped our Fan of the Month in April because we spent lots of time on air with the four super fans, Rich, Robert, Andrew, and Wayne. Today we have Harvard freshman, Cecily Collingsworth. Cecily, your freshman year here is about to end. Tell us about it.”

“Oh my GOD! I mean, like, I would never have BELIEVED!”

“Uh, yes. Could you perhaps be a bit more specific?”

“Well, like, sure! I mean the COURSES! The PEOPLE! The PARTIES! Oh my GOD!!!”

“So you enjoyed it.”

“Oh my GOD! I did! You wouldn’t BELIEVE!”

“Were the courses challenging?”

“Well, I mean it’s HARVARD! Of COURSE they were! But I did pretty good, you know?”

“I’m pleased to hear it. Tell us about being a fan.”

“Well, I think I’m more than JUST A FAN! I mean I’m a CHEERLEADER!”

“Oh right. Sorry, I forgot to MENTION THAT- I mean, mention that. Tell us about it.”

“It was like the biggest thrill of my LIFE! I mean I was the Captain of the cheerleading squad at Akron High, but I never thought I like had a like chance HERE!”

“But you made it.”

“I DID!”

“So, who’s your favorite player?”

“Huh?”

“On the team. Who’s your favorite player.”

“Oh… I mean… uh, like, we’re so busy with our cheers, and like planning the next one, that well, like, we don’t ACTUALLY see that much of the game, you know?”

“I see. So you’re not really a fan?”

“Oh no! I’m a HUGE FAN!!!”

“But you don’t know any of the players’ names?”

“Well, like, that doesn’t mean I’m not a FAN!!! I mean I CHEER! All the way from before the game to after, like, nonstop. I mean sometimes I’m so exhausted I think I’m going to like FAINT! But I keep going because it’s like, the TEAM! Of course I’m a FAN!!!”

“Well, yes, I see that now. There’s no point in giving you season tickets since you’re part of the whole thing, but-”

“Oh, like, I WANT those tickets! My roommate’s bf is like a HUGE FAN! He’s been BEGGING me for those tickets!”

“Okay, two season tickets, here you go. And the tee shirt.”

“COOL! THANKS!”

“Thank you, Cecily… Well, that was… energetic! Be back after this break.”

5/25: After a month in Scotland I’m back. Dizzy bought the national Gold report.

6/1: Dan Shagnastie here. We’re with Harvard President Julius Caesar Abercrombie. President Abercrombie, welcome.”

“Thank you, Dan.”

“Obviously, you have many obligations. But we’ve noticed you at almost every men’s game here.”

“Yes, it is important to support the team. Cheer the lads on, as it were.”

“So it would be fair to call you a fan?”

“Oh yes. Now, it goes without saying that athletics is not my area of expertise but I do enjoy the speed and the excitement of basketball.”

“And Coach Smythe?”

“I have, of course, known the Smythe family for most of my life. I graduated with young Mervin’s Uncle Filbert. I think Mervin has done wonderfully well. We have never reached these heights.”

“So you see a bright future ahead for Harvard basketball.”

“Oh, I do! And wouldn’t it be wonderful if we finally reached the second round of the tournament!”

“Thank you, President Abercrombie.”

6/26: 7 scholarships. I will be amazed if we fill them all, given our high academic standards. I may ask for a one year waver on our policy regarding junior college players.
Clausen P. Gherkin, our A. D., said we can go after any juco with a GPA of at least 2.7- for this year only.

7/1: “Dan Shagnastie here with Harvard Crimson men’s basketball trainer Jill Pidgeon. Hi Jill.”

“Hello Dan.”

“So how long have you been with the team?”

“This is my third year.”

“How did it come about?”

“Well, actually, Dan, I played here on the women’s team. I loved my experience as a student, and as a basketball player. I loved the beautiful campus. I wanted to stay. I got the right degrees, and here I am. There’s nowhere I would rather be.”

“Favorite player?”

“Not allowed. They’re all my favorites.”

“I guess that makes sense. How’s Coach Smythe to work for?”

“He’s great. He’s always polite, always a gentleman. He takes the time and trouble to show you that he cares about you, always asks if there’s anything I need that I don’t have.”

“Demanding?”

“He expects everyone to do the job they were hired to do, but he should.”

“Great having you with us, Jill.”

“Thanks Dan.”

8/21: We offer to 2 PGs, 3 PFs, and 2 Cs.

9/1: “Dan Shagnastie here with our Fan of the Month, Monty Bradstreet. Monty, you play trumpet in the pep band.”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“So you get to travel with the team.”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“Do you get to see much of the game while you’re playing in the pep band?”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“Great. But you need to keep an eye on the conductor, too, right?”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“Okay. I think we’re going to wrap this up. So Monty, do you have any friends who could use a pair of season tickets?”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“How about a tee shirt?”

“Yes I do, Dan.”

“Well here you go! Be right back folks.”

9/18: We lose 2. We have a schedule with lots of road games.

9/25: We lose three more. We offer to others.

10/1: “Dan Shagnastie here on ‘Speaking of Sports’ with Rich Pointguard and Andrew Hortonbloom. Guys, you’ve convinced me to have you on as co-Fans of the Month so you can score season tickets. I’m not quite sure how you managed that.”

“It’s cuz we’re smart, Dan!”

“Hm. That possibility never occurred to me somehow, Rich. So what’s new?”

“Louise Littleshaker. She debuted on the Albanian midget porn site last week. Wow! Just WOW!”

“Okay! Andrew, quickly moving to you? Played any DDS:Curling lately?”

“Every day, Dan. I’m in third place in my on line league. I’d be in second but my star broke his broom at a critical moment in our last match.”

“Those are the breaks in curling I guess. Rich, I hear you’re an all star?”

“That’s right, Dan! I am proud to state that my partner, Pegleg Patrino and I amassed the second most points in the Greater Massachusetts Three Legged Race Association and we were both named first team all stars for the entire state of Massachusetts.”

“Quite an honor. What’s that sound?”

“Oh, that’s my cell. I have to get to an emergency surgery. I knew that guy’s colon would crap out tonight!”

“And on that note I’ll say goodbye. Tune in tomorrow night!”

10/2: We have finally secured a recruit. Joel Deco, PG, #508 has committed.

10/9: We get another commitment- Ted Star, PF, #386.

10/23: Tom Bent, PF #736 commits.

11/1: “Dan Shagnastie here on ‘Speaking of Sports’ with co-Fans of the Month Robert Coachsee and Wayne Twothree. When the boys heard that Rich and Andrew had scammed me they thought it only fair that they score the free season tickets as well. They talked me into it. Robert, I hear there’s big news on the Irish Step Dancing front.”

“Call me Bob, Dan. Yes there is. It almost brings a tear to my eye to announce that I have been selected to represent the U. S. at the world Senior Irish Step Dancing Competition in Dublin in
February.”

“That’s quite an honor, Bob!”

“I’ll say! I plan to dance my little heart out when I get to Dublin.”

“Terrific. Don’t overdo the Guinness!”

‘Who’s agin us? Nobody in this room, I hope!”

“Okay. Wayne, what do you like best about being second kazoo in the Greater Boston Penny Whistle, Kazoo, Washtub Bass, Ukelele, Accordion Symphony Orchestra?”

“I’d have to say working under our gifted conductor, Arthur Fumbler. He is-”

“What are you doing under Arthur Fumbler?”

“That will be quite enough of that, Bob!”

“Hey, he admitted it!”

“Continue, Wayne.”

“Maestro Fumbler is incredible. He manages to get just the proper timbre from Kaleb Swamprat on the washtub bass, and that’s not an easy thing to do. And the sounds he coaxes from Marta Teenyknobs on the accordion? Just beautiful!”

“Hey, if you’re gonna play the accordion you’d better have teeny kn-”

“Bob!”

“I mean they could get caught in the accordion!”

“That’s it. I’m out of here. See you tomorrow, folks!”

11/6: Here is our lineup: Senior Dan Ecks and frosh Jim Fowl start at guard, supported by senior Ed Cary and frosh Al Dern. Senior Jess Hart will play SF and PF, senior Ron Holm and junior Ryab Hill, a transfer from Texas A & M, will start inside. Junior Kyle May will back the bigs. Senior Jule Book and junior Jay Sims are next upon the depth chart.

I feel that this may be the best team I have yet coached.

[Wayne23]

11/13: Freshman guard Jim Fowl: 14, 9, 9 in his debut, against a VERY good senior PG.

11/19: 4 seconds to go, ball in the front court, down 2. Called a TO, set pace to 10. Called for a play to our big guy inside. Instead guard Jim Fowl hit a 3 for the win with 1 second left.

11/20: 3-0. #24. 2 games into a six game road trip.

Two of our three committed recruits did not sign. This is not good!

11/27: 4-1. #14 Utah was too much for us in their gym.

12/11: 7-2. RPI #58.

12/25: 11-2, RPI #44 to end pre-conference play. 8 road games, 3 at home so we are pleased, all in all.

We have 6 players averaging between 10.5 and 12.2 PPG.

+10.6 PPG, +3.2 RBs, +5.9 TOs, +3.2 steals, +4.3 steals.

1/1/’25: “Dan Shagnastie with our Happy New Year edition of ‘Speaking of Sports.’ Hope you’re not too hung over!

“We thought we’d bring on our four Musketeers, Rich Pointguard, Robert Coachsee, Andrew Hortonbloom, and Wayne Twothree. Wayne, way back when, you talked about your Mi’Kmaq ancestor, Longdog Twotrees. You explained the Twotrees part, but ‘Longdog?’”

“I wondered why you didn’t ask about that. Well, you know, babies are all pretty much the same shape and size, right?”

“I guess. Haven’t had much experience with babies.”

“Trust me, they are. But old gramps was unusual. Family legend has it that he had a REALLY long-”

“Okay. I don’t think I want to know any more-”

“Runs in the family!”

“Yeah. Okay. Rich. How’s the three legged racing going?”

“Pegleg sprained his good ankle so we’re not competing right now. Hey, I want to tell you about something.”

“Okay.”

“Laura Bush.”

“The ex-President, George W.’s wife. What about her.”

“I just joined a sort of a fan club for her. It’s not really a fan club ‘cause she doesn’t know about it, but still.”

“I’m intrigued… I think.”

“Well, there are guys all over the country, all over the world, I guess, who think she was the hottest first lady ever.”

“Oh geez…”

“Yeah, so this guy started a Facebook page for us- yeah, I’m one of ‘em. He’s got all kinds a pics, videos of her, even a couple in bathing suits.”

“This is not happening!”

“Yeah, so look it up on FB. It’s called, ‘Laura B.- Nice Dreams.’”

“I need to get a real job. Robert?”

“Bob, just Bob.”

“Bob, do you have anything to report that WON’T make me want to jump off a bridge?”

“Second place in the championships in Dublin!”

“Oh, the Seniors Irish Step Dance competition. That’s awesome.”

“I was rocking it! Then I tried a triple double tap tap- it’s the hardest move. Don’t you know a heel split on my left dancing shoe. I mean I recovered, but the gold was gone.”

“What a disappointment.”

“Life goes on. Irish Step Dancing is all about the journey, not the destination.”

“One “step” at a time, no doubt.”

"That's our motto!!!"

“My son’s middle name is Longdog because he-”

“Enough, Wayne! Andrew, you’re my last chance.”

“As a proctologist I’ve always heard certain… stories. I thought they were just urban legends. But lo and behold, the other night I’m on call. About 2:45 a.m. The ER nurse says I need to come in right away. There’s this guy with a live hamster up his-”

“Dan Shagnastie signing off. See you tomorrow. No guests! No more freakin’ guests. EVER!!!”

[Wayne23]

1/8: 13-2, 2-0, #25, RPI #30.

1/22: 17-2, 6-0, #23, RPI #24.

1/29: 19-2, 8-0, #21, RPI #17.

As expected two of our committed recruits did not achieve our SAT score.

We are winning our Ivy games quite easily.

2/5: 21-2, 10-0, #14, RPI #17. 3 game lead in the Ivy.

2/12: 23-2, 12-0, #13, RPI #15. 19 wins in succession.

2/19: 25-2, 14-0, #13, RPI #20, 21 wins in succession.

2/28: “Dan Shagnastie here with Fenwick Smythe of AbFen Games. Welcome Fenwick.”

“Thanks Dan. Call me Fenny.”

“Okay. So the VR world is exploding, and AbFen Games via Wolfbane Studios is pretty much the trigger, the charge- the whole explosion.”

“We’re doing very well. A big part of that is due to Gerry Gorky. He really sewed up the market, and he’s providing customers with incredible products.”

“Well, you and your wife Abigail Rothschild Smythe are a pretty big part, too.”

“Thanks again. Our games translate well. People like them, and the immersion is pretty much total.”

“And the latest game?”

“Lives.”

“That’s the one. Tell us.”

“It hits the market tomorrow. We’ve had a big buildup and pre-sales are unbelievable.”

“Go on.”

“Lives, the title says it all. You get to go in and create and essentially become a different person, or as many different people as you like.”

“Cradle to grave?”

“You could, but we think most people will want to sim a lot of the mundane stuff and step in and live the interesting parts, or just step in at whichever points they like.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah.”

“What does that feel like?”

“It feels like the person you’ve created- you have their body, their mind, their emotions- all under your own control, of course. You can tweak, adjust, alter at any point.”

“I say again, wow!”

“Abby and I did a lot of beta testing. We tried lots of things and carried a few onward. Some we’re still continuing with.”

“Such as?”

“I was a boxer, an actor, a race car driver. Abby was a professional softball player, a singer, a couple of other things. Oh, we did a couple of gender swaps. We both found it interesting.”

“That leads to a sort of a delicate question… What about sex?”

“Nothing to stop you from having it.”

“As a member of either gender?”

“Any way you can think of.”

“What about minors?”

“You need to be 18 to sign a contract for any of our products. We make parents sign a waiver and we give them detailed instructions regarding how to block whatever it is they may want to block. But we’re finding, in our other games, it’s obviously too soon with Lives, that parents, well, lots of them anyway, think a VR chamber is a good place for kids to… experiment with certain things. They’re right. It’s safe, disease free, no danger of unwanted pregnancy…”

“Wow! Again, just wow! And none of this violates any laws?”

“In some states. That’s another waiver of liability.”

“How is the home chamber thing coming?”

“Gerry says it will be ready to go on June 1. People are already pre-ordering, knowing that installation may take until the end of the calendar year. HUGE pre-sales.”

“Thanks Fenny. We live in interesting times! Tune in tomorrow.”